Malaprops, Malaprops

Student: So this part is supposed to be softer?

Me: Well, the dynamics say to decrescendo, but try to think about the structure of the piece.  You know, where do you see the melody going?  At this level of playing, the artist is expected to make his or her own contraband to the music.

Student: <confused stare>

Me: Contribution. What did I just say?

Student: I think you said contraband.

Me: What is wrong with me this week?  I can't remember the right word to save my life!  Yesterday I told my class to use the profit of elimination on the SAT.  Profit of elimination?  That sounds like a hitman's cut.

Mom: Well, at least you don't constantly confuse metrosexual with transsexual.

Me: <horrified stare>

Mom: Yeah.  Especially when you're talking to a man about his satchel, and you meant it as a compliment.

Me: You win.