Texting, How do I Loathe Thee?

Let me count the ways:

1) The way a parent can be completely absorbed by that tiny screen through a full half-hour piano lesson, looking up only when I turn and address her with a slight acidity to my voice.

2) The way a student wraps her phone in a sweater, or keeps her hand inside her purse, eyes sliding down surreptitiously every few minutes or so, and continues this charade, despite my dagger-looks, until I march straight to her desk and hold out my hand expectantly, launching her into one day's suspension.  When I was in high school, the most rebellious thing I tried to do during class was sneak a handful of pretzel sticks into my mouth, piece by tiny piece.  These kids aren't happy until they're lost in their own little electronic world.

3) The way txt language has stunted the syntactical growth of a generation: "Winston Churchill was 1 of the smartest ppl to ever live, b/c without him, WW2 would prob have lasted much lngr."

4) The way no one just eats lunch alone anymore.  I consider a "lonely lunch" one of life's greatest indulgences: good food and a stolen hour of leisure time without the burden of making conversation.  But when I look around, everyone else in the cafe has his phone out, desperate to connect to another human being in some impersonal, clinical way.

5) The way I have called Maryland State Police about more than one "drunk" driver.  Only to find that the driver is perfectly sober, just stupid enough to be texting while speeding down the highway at 65 mph.

Believe it or not, I started writing this in iambic pentameter.  But it doesn't mix well with RAGE.